The Legend of Twiddia

A long time ago, there was a distant land called Twiddia. Twiddia was a peaceful kingdom, and normally the Twids (as they preferred to be called) lived in harmony with nature and their neighbors. Unfortunately, there was one neighbor who had no love for the peaceful Twids. High atop a nearby mountain lived a horrible dragon, covered in glistening green scales, having huge sharp talons and fangs and a heavy, bludgeoning tail. The same time every year, the dragon would rise from his slumber, unleash a terrible, deafening roar, then barrel down the mountain side. When it reached Twiddia, it would knock over all of their houses and buildings with its massive paws, then line up all of the Twids and gave each and every one of them a good, swift kick in the rear. Having finished its task, it would then return to its mountain lair and sleep soundly, knowing the Twids had been properly kicked that year.

Unfortunately for the Twids, there was little they could do to stop the dragon's mayhem. Their weapons proved to be useless against the beast's rough hide, and when the townsfolk would plead for mercy, the dragon would kick them all the harder. Now while no one was ever seriously injured by the dragon's kicks, its bullying ways still frightened everyone, caused a great deal of money's worth of property damage, and furniture sales would slump for about two weeks because no one could sit down for long until they healed.

Finally, the Twids determined that they must take action. As the time swiftly approached for the annual Twid kicking, a great assembly was formed to discuss the matter. However, every idea that was mentioned had either proved unfeasible in the past, or too unlikely to be seriously considered. Finally, an idea rose with the religious community. Ministers from several local denominations promoted the idea of attempting to appeal to the beast rationally, asking him kindly to cease his painful practice. While the idea was at first looked down upon as too soft, it soon became apparent that it might be their final course of action, save moving the entire kingdom away from the mountain.

The plan was adopted by the assembly, with control handed over the churches who originated it. The ministers gathered together and drew straws, and the Catholic priest drew the shortest. The others laid hands upon him and prayed, seeking guidance and protection from the All Mighty, and finally the priest was sent upon his way to find the dragon's lair.

The journey was long and treacherous, up winding, crumbling paths and sheer cliff faces. Finally, the priest reached the jagged summit, and before him lay the fearsome dragon's lair. Carefully, he crept into the dark cavern, but it was not long before he was discovered.

"Who goes there?" boomed a terrible deep voice from within the cave.

The priest felt his heart race faster as he announced his presence. He introduced himself, then pleaded, "Great Dragon, for years you have come down from your terrible mountain lair, every year, and brought pain and destruction upon our fair Twiddia. Each year, you storm down the mountain, wreck our homes, and then give us all good, swift kicks in the rear. I have been sent as a representative of the Twids, to implore that you please cease this horrible act, and leave our people to live in peace."

Suddenly, the great beast revealed itself from the darkness, its sinister eyes glowing as its lips pulled back to reveal a fang-filled sneer. "Insolent priest! You dare come to me with your whining, pitiful plea? Be gone from my presence, and inform the Twids that I will kick them all in three days hence!" With that, the dragon lifted the priest by his robes, spun him in the air, and promptly kicked him back down the mountain.

Needless to say, the Twids were quite unhappy with the results of the plan. But the religious leaders were not yet ready to give up hope. Again they drew straws, and this time a Baptist preacher was chosen. After taking up a collection to gather supplies, he prayed with his flock and started the lonely, dangerous trip up the mountain.

It was not long before the preacher stood where the priest had only a day before, at the mouth of the dragon's cave. The dragon, sensing the presence of another, hissed from out of the darkness, "Who is it this time?"

Sweat rolled down the preacher's forehead as he cleared his throat. He introduced himself, then implored, "Great Dragon, for years you have come down from your horrible mountain lair and brought pain and destruction upon our fair Twiddia. Each year, you thunder down the mountain, wreck our homes, and then give us all good, swift kicks in the rear. I have been sent as a representative of the Twids, to plead that you please cease this terrible act, and leave our people to live in peace."

The great beast rose again the darkness, snarling and growling as it raked its great claws upon the rocky cliff beneath him. "Foolish pastor! You dare come to me with your pathetic, sniveling plea? Be gone from my presence, and inform the Twids that I will kick them all in two days hence!" With that, the dragon lifted the preacher by his sport coat, spun him in the air, and promptly kicked him back down the mountain.

When the Twids discovered what had happened, they were crestfallen. Twice they had sent someone to plead with the dragon to end his annual raids, and twice had their messengers, both men of God, been tossed aside like discarded rags. Obviously, this plan could not work. Obviously, Twiddia would be doomed forever to the torment of the dragon's kicks. Lamentably, the people began to make preparations, securing valuables and purchasing many, many pillows. Perhaps, once their pain had subsided, they could move their kingdom to another land....

Now it just so happened that a Jewish Rabbi had been visiting the nearby kingdom of Twilo, and was passing through the kingdom of Twiddia to return home. When he heard of the Twids' plight and their growing sense of hopelessness, sympathy swelled within him. He sought out the group of ministers and spoke with them. "Twice, you have sent someone to speak to this terrible dragon, and twice he has kicked them back down the mountain. It is obvious this dragon won't listen to a Twid, so why don't I go to speak to it for you? Perhaps, if someone who is not one of you goes to speak to him, he might change his heart and stop his terrible raids upon your people."

The ministers spoke among themselves. They had already give up all hope in the matter, and resigned themselves to lifetimes of Twid kicking. But if this Rabbi truly wished to intervene, there were not about to stop him. They agreed to his offer, as did the great assembly, and soon the Rabbi was on his way to the savage monster's lair.

Once atop the lofty, jagged summit, the Rabbi called for the dragon. With great distaste, the massive creature peered out of the black cavern. "I come to kick the Twids tomorrow," it roared. "Be gone, so I may get my rest!"

But the Rabbi would not leave until he was heard. "Great Dragon, for years you have come down from your lofty mountain lair and brought pain and destruction upon the innocent people of Twiddia. Each year, you descend the mountain, wreck their homes, and then give them all good, swift kicks in the rear. I have seen how much this act distresses them, and have come on my own behalf to plead that you please cease this senseless act, and leave these poor people to live in peace."

The dragon jabbed its ghastly head from out its lair and roared at the Rabbi, knocking him down with its terrible breath. "Hear me, mortal! I care little for these sickening Twids, and so I kick them all every year. This is not your concern, teacher; be gone from my presence!" With that, it lurched back into its lair.

The Rabbi was dumbfounded and confused. Had not those who came before him been kicked back down the mountain? While he was not excited at such a prospect, he shouted into the inky cave, "I am confused, Great Dragon. Twice before, someone has come to plead with you to end your raids upon Twiddia, and twice you have kicked them back down the mountain. Why do you not kick me as you have them?"

The dragon turned, and a sickening smirk drew at its scaled lips. Squinting from the darkened cave, the beast simply replied, "Silly Rabbi... kicks are for Twids!"


Return to the Storyteller's Circle