Colonel Lionel Barker
First Mention: The Honeymooners (May 16, 2008)
First Appearance: Masquerade (June 20, 2011)
Full Name: Lionel Barker
Known Aliases: "The Colonel"
Height: 6' 2" (187.97 cm)
Weight: 220 lb (99.79 kg)
Distinguishing Characteristics: Glasses, older gentlemen, dresses primarily in U.S. Army dress uniform
Marital Status: Widower
"The Colonel and the Key Master"
When Nick and Ki wash up on a deserted island in the middle of their honeymoon, they run into none other than Moldfinger, the ex-criminal mastermind and former member of C.R.U.D.E. As Moldfinger leaves the two to enjoy their time on his island as guests, he asks them to deliver a cryptic message to James Baud: "Beware the Colonel and the Key Master". For several years, the meaning behind this warning remained a mystery.
Some time later, Nick and Trudy are sent on a business trip as representatives of GPF Software to Lakatos Pharmaceuticals. When they become separated from the rest of the guests at the Lakatos resort, they quickly uncover a covert plot to "forcibly induct" small business owners into some sort of brainwashed group. Trudy theorizes that "Eszter Lakatos", the company's CEO, may really be Esther Matusevitch, her own mother, as "Lakatos" is a Hungarian surname originally meaning "locksmith". Nick remembers Moldfinger's prior warning, inferring that Matusevitch may be "the Key Master". Who, then, is the Colonel?
The pair are quickly captured by a group of paramilitary guards led by the "Smoking Man", who radios the Colonel to ask what to do with them. The Colonel orders that they be "inducted". Federal agent Nikki Ronat is inducted first with terrifying results. As the Smoking Man and his men pursue Ronat, Nick and Trudy make their escape, evading the guards and eventually fleeing the resort. When the Colonel's men pursue, the pair crash their car, critically injuring them. They are rushed to a nearby hospital.
When the news reaches the Colonel, he declares their mission at the resort to be a partial failure and orders Nick and Trudy to be assassinated. When Matusevitch objects to her daughter's murder, the Colonel lays down the cold, hard facts: the pair's injuries will raise suspicion about what happened at the resort, likely sparking a full investigation by federal authorities. Any such investigation will compromise their entire operation. He orders the resort to be evacuated then burned to the ground, and Nick and Trudy would not be allowed to live to see morning.
At the hospital, Nick slips into a coma while Trudy awakens to find herself suffering amnesia. She can remember nothing about what happened at the Lakatos resort. When the assassin finally makes his move, he decides that Trudy may still be inducted but Nick's injuries are too severe to salvage him. Before the assassin can murder Nick, there is an unexpected interruption that totally changes everyone's plans. Trudy and Nick (well, not quite Nick) are eventually allowed to leave the hospital, but whether or not they will remain under surveillance has yet to be seen.
Still, none of this answers the fundamental question: Who is the Colonel? When the answer finally comes, it is one few will readily expect....
Father, Soldier, Spy
The pieces at last fall into place when Agent #18 surprisingly reveals that "Amadeus" has stepped down as the head of the Undisclosed Government Agency. To replace him the Pentagon sends an old familiar face and one of the U.G.A.'s original founders... Colonel Lionel Barker.
Very little is known at this time about Colonel Barker's past. He is apparently a colonel in the United States Army and bears the branch insignia of the Infantry. He also wears a number of service ribbons and insignia denoting a long and distinguished career of service with the military. Beyond these superficial, circumstantial markings, however, we can only speculate about his professional past until more information comes to light.
Life in the Barker home was apparently less than idyllic. Likely due to his strict military discipline, Colonel Barker "ran a tight ship", harshly and sternly raising his two sons. Jason, the eldest, resisted his father's strict hand and became a problematic, unruly "wild child", making barely passing grades and only by chance winning his way into college. Meanwhile, Justin, the younger "Barker boy", thrived under their father's tutelage and strove to follow in his footsteps, eventually becoming a model student and entering a prestigious military academy. Disappointed in his eldest son's flippant attitude, Colonel Barker poured his ambitions into his younger son, grooming him for a "pet project" he was working on: a covert operations group that would eventually become known as the Undisclosed Government Agency.
However, a clerical error resulted in Jason, not Justin, being tested as a U.G.A. agent. As Colonel Barker was not present, "Amadeus" was unaware of the switch, despite the slight difference in physical appearance and gross intoxication from alcohol. Surprisingly, Jason passed all the tests with impressive results despite his inebriation. (To quote one U.G.A. official: "If he's this good when he's drunk, imagine what he'll be like when he's sober.") Jason was eventually invited to become a member of the U.G.A. elite, disappointing Justin and infuriating the Colonel. When "Amadeus" refused to throw out Jason's test results, Colonel Barker stormed off and abandoned the project, leaving "Amadeus" solely in charge.
After this fiasco, the Barker household began to fall apart. The Colonel and his wife eventually separated and she passed away sometime shortly thereafter. As the two boys were both legally considered adults at this point, the Colonel cut off all contact with them. He vanished for a number of years, then resurfaced only to pay for Justin's college tuition. After this, he disappeared once again. Justin speculated that the Colonel went deep undercover, operating "overseas, perhaps in the Persian Gulf". Beyond that point, neither of the "Barker boys" heard from their father again... until he resurfaced at U.G.A. headquarters to take command.
What else we know about the Colonel is extremely sparse. He is cold, calculating, and ruthless, but he also has a wry and dark sense of humor. He shows no remorse when he orders Nick and Trudy's deaths and appears unfazed by Ms. Matusevitch's pleas for her daughter's life. Whether or not he remains active as an officer in the U.S. Army is unknown; he still wears what appears to be a United States Army dress uniform but his actions hardly seem to be on the behalf of the military. Rather, his exploits with Ms. Matusevitch seem to make it obvious that he wishes to avoid conflict with federal authorities, while his claims to be sent by "the Pentagon" to command the U.G.A. implies that he remains active within the Department of Defense. This contradictory evidence certainly means one or both of these facts must be false, or else the Colonel must secretly be playing both sides against the other. He appears to command a moderately sized paramilitary force armed with automatic weapons and ballistic armor, although none of these individuals bear official Army uniforms, insignia, or weapons. It is also apparent that he isn't working entirely alone on his mysterious mission, as he appears to have allies in both Matusevitch's organization and other, more mysterious actors.
- Moldfinger hints of "the Colonel and the Key Master"
- "The Colonel's" first on-screen appearance
- Colonel Lionel Barker takes command of the U.G.A.
- Rearing the "Barker boys"
- Abandoning his "pet project"
- Jason "Fooker" Barker, eldest son
- Justin Barker, younger son
- Wife, name unknown and currently deceased
- Colonel Barker appears to be the head of his own paramilitary organization which has as yet remained unidentified.
- With the "stepping down" of "Amadeus", Barker has also now returned as the head of the U.G.A.
- He has an alliance with the all-female criminal organization controlled by Esther Matusevitch.
- There is also a strong possibility that he has allied himself with our universe's counterpart of the alien invaders who sought to conquer Earth in the "Negaverse".