One, The
From The Official GPF Wiki
"The One"
First Appearance: Sister Sharon (September 11, 2003)
The identity of "the One" is one of the longest running mysteries in the GPF universe. According to the Brotherhood of the Twisted Pair, "the One" is a hacker "like none other, whose skills are without equal. He (or she) will initiate a golden age of geekdom, and lead a revolution of ideas that will revolutionize the computerized world." The existence of this "geek messiah" was prophesied by a Brother named "thePR0PH3T" who analyzed decades of Usenet posts in a similar fashion to the Bible Code. Many Brothers have dedicated their lives to locating "the One", including Scott and Tim. The current two leading candidates are Fooker and Sharon, both of whom meet the criteria set forth by the prophecy.
There are a series of tests set forth by the prophesy for identifying "the One". However, when Fooker and Sharon analyzed "thePR0PH3T"'s code, they discovered a fatal flaw that revealed there were six criteria rather than five as originally surmised. The corrected list of criteria mentioned in the prophecy include:
- "The One" must thrive on vast quantities of caffeine. While the exact vehicle through which the caffeine is delivered does not seem to matter (coffee, soda pop, energy drinks, etc.), both Fooker and Sharon consume large portions of coffee on a daily basis. While no specific quantity is mentioned, most interpreters of the prophecy agree that both Fooker and Sharon far exceed the requirement.
- "The One" must be able to create a massive server cluster with the computing power of a supercomputer from extremely outdated and potentially broken equipment. Fooker actually accomplished this task; Sharon's theoretical plan seemed sufficient enough for consideration.
- "The One" must be able to unclog a congested network in record time. Fooker repelled a DDoS attack; Sharon contained Trent's virus infection.
- "The One" is agnostic in the text editor "holy wars", favoring an editor of their own design over any of the other available options. Both Fooker and Sharon passed this test, with Fooker bashing one out on the fly as the test took place.
- "The One" has the ability to be at one with the computer and oblivious to everything else. Fooker repelled a coworker's sexual advances during this test, while Sharon was observed by Tim to be in tune with her machine.
- "The One" must be extremely curious. Originally, this test was believed to be combined with the following one, stating the candidate must be "insatiably curious", but Fooker and Sharon corrected this oversight. Both passed this test as well, eventually investigating an encrypted e-mail sent by the Brothers, although not in the time frame the Brothers' originally set.
- "The One" must be "insatiable". This was originally combined with the curiosity test above but was eventually proven to be a separate test. While the text of the prophecy does not state exactly what "insatiable" means, it has been heavily conjectured that it refers to sexual appetite, which it seems Fooker and Sharon have plenty of and virtually no one else in the Brotherhood could hope to achieve.
Since both Fooker and Sharon meet the criteria of "the One", a quandary exists as to which may claim the title. This is complicated by the fracturing of the Brotherhood into multiple factions. All factions except for Scott and Tim's universally agree that Fooker cannot be "the One" as he is "he who shall not be named" after invoking the name of the "Great Evil". (It should be noted, of course, that it was actually Fred, not Fooker, who said this.) Sharon, being female, is also discounted by most Brothers as they cannot accept the possibility of female geeks despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. It is only Scott and Tim's faction of the Brotherhood that formally recognize Fooker and Sharon as candidates; all the other factions continue to search independently of each other.
One possible explanation for the dual candidacy has been set forth by Scott. Since both cannot share the title of "the One" for obvious reasons, it is theoretically possible that their offspring may inherit their unique abilities and fulfill the same criteria. To this end, Scott has become obsessed with the pair's mating habits, intent on capturing any evidence that may lead conception. His surveillance has so disturbed Sharon that it has invaded her dreams, where her imaginary son Harry is born into a world of hackers which he may one day come to rule.
