Transcription

News Anchor: Police and fire officials are still investigating last night's fire that gutted local software maker GPF Software...

[[A picture of a smiling Dwayne is shown behind the anchor with the caption "file footage"]]
News Anchor: Although the cause is still unknown, police suspect arson. GPF Software is best known for heroically helping during last summer's flooding along the river's basin.

[[The background picture changes to Fooker's mugshot.]]
News Anchor: In related news, GPF system administrator Jason Barker is in police custody as the prime suspect in this week's violent attacks at a local shopping mall.

[[The background picture changes to the imposter Fooker with a weapon at the mall.]]
News Anchor: Several witnesses claim Barker set off explosives and discharged firearms at unarmed shoppers. Securtiy cameras seem to confirm the claims. Six people were killed and eighteen injured.

[[The background picture now says, "Wilkens S'mores Snack Pack Recall"]]
News Anchor: In other news, Wilkens Chocolates has recalled thousands of "S'mores Snack Packs" after several were found to contain metal shards. The company is investigating the incident.