Transcription

Judge: Counsel for the defense...?
Nicole: I call Dr. Otto Wisebottom to the stand.

Nicole: Dr. Wisebottom, you have examined the defendant. What is your scientific evaluation?
Dr. Wisebottom: Well, although we do not currently have a biological classification for him, I would say "slime mold" is a close enough approximation.

Dr. Wisebottom: Of course, his genetic structure is unlike any of the 650 or myxogastrids and dicyostelids that--
Nicole: Thank you, Dr. And what was your evaluation of his intelligence?

Dr. Wisebottom: Fred is an extremely fascinating subject. Although he does indeed appear to be a single-celled organism, he has also developed a very complex distributed nucleus that functions much like the neural net of the human brain.

Dr. Wisebottom: Although IQ tests are far from perfect, the results I gathered are quite clear: Fred is not only sentient, but also sapient. A thinking, rational being with an intelligence above the human average. I assert these findings are accurate and true.

Nicole: And what is your personal assessment of the defendant?
Dr. Wisebottom: He is a joy to fellowship with. He is ruthless at "Monopoly" and has a marvelous singing voice...